These days I feel as if I am merely a head with two eyes and two legs. At least I have two eyes and two legs, right? I do not think it possible to feel any more numb, yet anxious. Some days I wonder what is real--people I meet, events, my job, even my family.

I understand that since I have decided to stop ignoring my depression that it will be a rough go for awhile, not only for me but also for those around me. I told Doug last night that I do not expect him to "hang" while I go through treatment and that I do not blame him for wanting to "bail" on me. I also told him not to take anything I say or do (or don't do) personally. I have not wanted to be touched by anyone or anything, lately, and that is really hard for him, because he does not understand depression. I have to give him credit for beginning to try, at least, however I wish I could disappear, get better, then return without having affected or hurting anyone.

Acknowledging this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I think that is why I put it off for twenty years. There is still such a stigma attached to depression and I hope to end that, someday.